Russian jokes help Germans to understand Ukraine

German newspaper der Freitag publishes jokes on the subject of Russian-Ukrainian relationship.

Russian and Ukrainian humour have always been heated up by political events, writes der Freitag author Vit Yasch. He is sure that the average inhabitant of Russia or Ukraine tells at least one joke a week and is being told several jokes in the course of a day.

“Ukraine is the most educated country in the world! Its entire population speaks a “foreign language” and often better than the native one”.

“Ukraine is the only country in the world, in which 30% of the population after 90 years of Ukrainization does not speak the official Ukrainian, whereas each citizen speaks Russian. Basing on this fact, the scientists have worked out a theory, according to which Ukrainian is the most difficult language to study, and Russian is the easiest”.

“We will not allow for the coming of winter in Ukraine, but if winter still comes, Russia will pay for it!” Jennifer Psaki”.

“They say that laughter prolongs one’s life. Yesterday I was reading a new History textbook written in Kiev. Perhaps, I will live forever now”.

“A mysterious Robin Hood comes to Ukrainian enlistment offices: he takes draft notices from the rich and gives them to the poor”.

“Kolomoyskiy threatens Russia with Hague tribunal because of the funds lost in the Crimea. Moscow answers: “The money has been found and waits for you in a solitary cell in Lubyanka jail”.

“If we supply gas to Ukraine free of charge, soon Ukrainians will demand additional payments from us”.

“When Poroshenko sat on the Ukrainian throne, he at once stated “First of all we will take care of the return of the Crimea”… Moscow: “Wait, you have already returned it to us, have you forgotten?”

“Russia withdraws troops from Ukrainian border. Perhaps, it would like to try to do it at a run?”

“The one who is the last to secede Ukraine will settle Ukrainian debts”.

“Ukrainians bought the best computer from the US, which is even able to calculate the future, and asked it, who would be the President of Ukraine in 2020. After a week of calculations the computer gave the answer: “Which Ukraine?”.

“The IMF promised 17 bln UAH to Ukraine. “If it is not enough, we will promise some more”.

“Obama: “We demand that Russia should withdraw its troops as far as possible from the border”. Putin: “Will Kiev be all right?”

“Ukraine will open Chernobyl for tourists. It will be like Disneyland, only better, as the two-meter-tall mouse is real”.

“Obama: “We promised billions of aid to Ukraine, and, if the need arises, we will promise it many-many times more”.

“Russian Tsars could never imagine that they were founding Ukrainian cities”.

“The Crimea is our land! And its population is our people! – stated Ukrainian authorities. – And in order for everyone to be sure of it, we will cut gas, water and electricity supply from the Crimea”.

“Ukrainian Nationalists swore never to speak Russian. Now, when they curs, they are gasping from rage and lack of words”.

“The US Secretary of State burst into the Oval Office of the White House.
— Mr. President, Russian troops entered the Crimea.
— What? Without air raids and artillery strikes? Barbarity!”